Friday, May 21, 2010

Corsets = An Awesome Rack

One of the best compliments I get, selfishly so, is when a random woman comes up to me, pokes my blossoming tata's and asks "Are they REAL?!" Why my darling size two woman, yes, yes they are. This is what happens when you combine three things: A great bra, an even greater corset and the desire to shove lots of yummy food into my mouth giving my body a bit of extra weight resulting in THESE fine specimans. These three things combined can give you too, an amazing rack. There is always a silver lining when gaining about XX lbs has, and it um, enhanced my assets. Now that I'm on the road to weight loss, I fear the first thing to go will be the wonder twins aka my shelf of fun aka C+ and C- (cuz no one is perfect). However dear the price to pay, I'm looking forward to having a hot arse again. Oh, the trade off's. It's pretty much like Sophie's Choice. ;) I digress... We had a FABULOUS show at the Rainbow last night which, per usual, has lead to a sleepy sleepy Friday. As always, it was well worth it. I love performing with my friends, the Hells Belles, as they are a classy bunch of dames. I must say though, this swinging the creative and day job life can get a bit daunting. This is a glimpse into my week, it's a bit busy but close to it's normal craziness:

Monday: Work 9-6, sit in on a bunch of meetings that may or may not pertain to me and my workflow, type up a bunch of grids and spreadsheets to track this years pilot pick ups, what we worked on, what other post houses worked on, etc etc and so on and so forth. 7pm - Monday Night Power Group, the reason why Monday's no longer suck. A group of actors that get together, set goals and hold each other accountable for them, led by our fearless and fabulous agent. 10pm - Improv show at The Second City. Time to be funny after a mixed day of office job and creative chit chat. 1:30am - BED. Finally! Oh hi pillows, I missed you.

Tuesday: Work 9-6, sit in on a bunch of meetings that may or may not pertain to me and update my grids and spereadsheets. After all, it's Upfronts week! Every pilot being picked up to series is being announced and it's my job to document it. 7pm - Tuesday Night Power Group for special guest speakers: Producer and two actors deep in the thick of HORROR!! LOVE. IT. Listen to their stories, meet some new pals and send said Producer my picture, resume and link to my demo reel. 10pm - hit the gym. Gotta fit it in whenever possible. Home. Shower. 12:30am - Bed. Oh la la, an early night.

Wednesday: Work 9-6, sit in on a bunch of... you get the point. 7:30pm - Cater waiter time! Work the premiere party of 'A Special Relationship', a new made for HBO film being hosted at the Directors Guild of America. I see Dennnis Quaid running around hand in hand with his MUCH to skinny gf. I mean really honey, please eat some of this delicious Gorgonzola Bread Pudding and braised short ribs. Please. PLEASE!! YOUR LEG JUST BROKE MAKING A SHARP TURN! 1:30am - Home. Exhausted. Bed. But can't fall asleep, make some tea. 2:15am- ah, there we go.

Thursday: Work 9-6, sit in on a blabbity, blabbity, blabbity. Home. Shower. Finally shave my wookie like legs. Apply burlesque make up and hair. 10:30pm - Arrive at The Rainbow Room to host the fabulous Hells Belles Rock n' Roll Burlesque show. Hang out with my girls, have some wine, chat up the regulars and harass some adorable Finnish out of towners. 1:30am - Home. Wash off my burly girl make up and tame my hair. Can't sleep, have some tea. 3am - Sleep. Finally, sheesh!

Friday: Work 9-6, hang out with some friends.

Saturday: Taking a silk class, going to an engagement party, a 'dress like you did in high school' party.

Sunday: Hike, writing with my fantastically funny writer friends and hopefully will get to lay out by a pool or see some theatre. *ah, friends and fun time*

SOOOO a week's work is actually more like two weeks work, ha! Keeping busy is something I don't have a problem with doing, as you can tell. As the week goes on, my body expects business and sleeping becomes an issue which is Sucky McSuckerson. This is where I have to look deep into the cockel's of my being and remember WHY I moved to LA. Once I remember that feeling, that emotion, that passion and desire, the tiredness remains, however, I'm a bit more happy. No, a LOT happier. I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I finally think the stress of the last 1.5 yrs-ish is finally letting up! My eyelashes are growing back in (yeah, I started losing hair due to stress! EW.) AND with the help of my fabulous friends, power group pals and agent, and of course O Magazine (Thanks Oprah!)I'm starting to change the way I look at the creative life in me, and being in LA. For once, I truly feel that if I focus and work harder than the rest of em', which I really think I am, (see above) then SOMETHING will happen. It has to, that's just how the universe works. It's only a matter of time...

Armed with an acting binder chalk full of knowledge, a trunk full of rhinestoney costumes and a pc loaded with MS Office.... I think I'm good to tackle just about anything, day OR night job related. Juggling will be hard, but well worth it once I reach the place I see myself landing. And I WILL land there.

So today I'm feeling grateful, happy and very very sleepy. Thank the Lord for Starbucks, for I know HE created it for those of us that have weeks like these :)

From messy-rocker-burlesque hair nights to stuanch-skin-pulling-bun hair days...

Keep it shiny, fun and fabulous,

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Not so perfect, perfect plan

I'm not sure when this happened, but I'm a perfectionist... now. I've always liked to plan a great party to a T, make the room appear pretty and upkept, make awesome looking treats or dinners, I like to semi choreograph a burlesque number and then improvise the rest... BUT, in the last year that need to have things look 'good' has turned into "IT MUST BE PERFECT." Now, I have a good guess as to why this is and my theory is this: I had a rough 15 months. It hurt, even cut my little heart and made me bleed a bit. I think one of my coping mechanisms is to control the things that I can actually have some control over because everything else is going crazy town. Doing something as simple as providing a gift for a wedding shower is proving to be a near impossible task. "Is this better? What does this say, cheap or creative? Is it cute? OR but there's THIS..Oh wait, I don't like that color.. I know I'll google it, find every color possible and decide against it anyway." It goes on and on and on. This bleeds over into my workout regime, or lack there of. If I don't create the 'perfect' workout for my body type, then I'll have issues entering the gym and not knowing what to do to maximize my time and who wants to waste time!?!?! I have changed the choreography on one number at least 75 times. When I cut something out of my diet that I'm 'supposed' to, I don't give it enough time to prove cutting it out was worth it. The list goes on and on and on.. point is, my perfect plans never work out. I won't know if it will work if I don't try it out first. When I travel, I say NO to plans, fly by the seat of my pants and have a grand ol' time! I'm so open in some areas and so BLOCKED in most of the others. *GRRR, HISSSSS* As always, the clear cut answer is fear. Fear, mutha-effing FEAR. I loathe fear. If I saw fear right here, right now, I would punch it in the face. Actually, I probably wouldn't. It's probably my worst nightmares manifested into a solid scary figure/shape/horned thing. I'm (apparently, THANKS subconscious) afraid of failing in some, if not most, areas of my life. The need to make everything PERFECT will, in my mind, prevent those things from falling down the shitty mcshitterson level everything else had done starting in October of 08'. It's sad how much a rough period can really stifle someone.

I must say, I want and WILL move forward. As of today, I will work on turning off that fear and be okay with a not so perfect life, accept what has happened and move onward and upward. I will choose a shower gift and be OK with it and I will understand that the perfect gift is NOT out there... Alright, that last one will be hard because I'm kind of a great gift giver. POINT IS, as of today I'm turning the tables back around on fear.

Cuz fear can suck it.